For the past 3+ days I’ve felt completely energy-depleted. Busy-ness and business have contributed in a great way to that depletion, but there was also something more. I’ve been searching for years for clarity, in many forms. Clarity of past events and clarity of present situations; clarity of my purpose. All a part of the personal spiritual awakening.
After three days of strong focus on this, those changes have begun to come into view. I note that there is much religious symbolism in the concept of 3 days.
Maybe not so odd after all.
This morning I began coming into consciousness while in conversation with someone unseen. In the midst of this conversation I was also receiving another download. As in each time the “downloads” have happened in the past it was the same type of content, but delivered in a completely different manifestation. The first time it was in a scoreboard format, the second time it was balls bouncing in and out of focus, the third time it was like a flip movie with no apparent continuity, each time with rapidly appearing symbols in the respective medium. Presented much faster than I could assimilate on whatever level of consciousness I was in.
This time it was a dark red chalkboard with yellow words floating in and out of the board. Difficult to describe, the words were all darkly present on the board at the same time, and when the word appeared they had an increased luminosity that brought them to the forefront. This time they were words, consciously indecipherable, but different in that it was not a series of single symbols. As in earlier “downloads” they appeared too rapidly for me to read them, let alone consciously comprehend. I’m not even sure the words were even in English. But I got the strong impression that they were completely understood beneath the surface of my awareness.
As stated earlier, this download was happening simultaneously while I was having a conversation with some unseen entity. Details of the content of the conversation were sketchy, but had something to do with my prior contact with the “others,” where I was asked if I wanted to see them and subsequently indicated that I was not. This time I felt that I was pleading my case, because I pointed out a mantra to them that I was recently, within the past several weeks, reminded of: Don’t give in to astonishment. I was pleading my case that I was ready for a conscious communication.
These beings are extremely cautious about fully conscious interactions with us. An analogy would be for us to walk into a cage with a tiger; a certain level of comfort predicated upon trust must first be established. To do otherwise would be foolhardy. On a human level, we would feel safer if we could keep the tiger subdued, while in close proximity. My feeling is that these beings must have a similar level of trust, a trust that is borne of a spirit of mutual acceptance, in order to drop their guards. In a fully physical manifestation they are relatively defenseless and we humans are prone to reacting physically. They need to sense a feeling of calm for their own safety; it’s why they take total control of us, to subdue us for their own safety.
The biggest argument for the conscious memory erasures is evidence that they intend no real harm to us. For the thousands, perhaps millions of us who’ve had interactions with them, we have had episodes of what is referred to as “missing time.” Most who have experienced this type of contact just shrug it off and go about the days of their lives. A significantly smaller fraction of those involved have residual memories and are acutely aware of the missing time incident. Some have fully conscious recollections; the memory erasure does not take. I am in the second group of contactees, where enough of the memories are surfacing to goad me into finding out more. Years ago I came to the realization I’ve been having these episodes periodically for my entire life. I’ll not go into specifics at this time, but suffice it to say it has been a lifelong occurrence.
I long ago came to the acceptance that there is no such thing as coincidence in our lives. I’ve learned that what we call coincidence is something or someone trying to get our attention. My fall due to alcoholism over 30 years ago, where I was at the point of suicide, brought about a profound change in my spirit. I chickened out on the suicide thing, and am happy that I did. When I reached a point of surrender was when I was introduced to the book Communion, by Whitley Streiber, where the creature on the cover had a profound impact on me. It set me on a course to learn as much as I could about the human/so-called-alien interactive experience. As is the natural course I gave into the excitement, titillation, and fearful aspects of the experience. In short, I gave in to astonishment.
For years I was fearful of the dark, would not look out of a window at night. And was beginning to understand why. Around 1993, I eventually mustered the courage to stop allowing this fear to control my life. I had made several trips with my research partner to the area where the events in the Communion book occurred, all day trips. This last time I determined to do it alone and spend the night alone in the woods. I pitched a tent less than ½ mile from Whitley’s cabin and hunkered down for the night.
About 3 in the morning I was startled awake by a white light that was shone through my tent, moving slowly through the sky. It was a bright white light, and as it passed by I could see the shadows of the trees passing by my tent fabric. Then I said something inexplicable in my mind, “Oh, it’s you.” At that moment was when the download began, the first one. There’s much more to it. Long story short, I awoke the next morning and all conscious fear was gone. I reasoned that they had given me a gift. I was still intact.
Over the years there have been several other occurrences where I received more downloads. I had abandoned the research in the field and didn’t delve into it further. I turned my back on it. My last download prior to this morning’s occurred about six or seven years ago.
It’s important to mention here some things about liminal states. Literally, a liminal state comes from the root limen, which means the entrance sill to a doorway. In this context, it refers to a state of change, or more literally the act of passing through a doorway to a different state of existence. Life changes.
Looking back, each of these downloads, and likely each actual “UFO-related event” throughout my life occurred during one of these liminal states. A crack in our transitional life states where we’re more open to more possibilities. Perhaps due to a heightened state of awareness, the increased vigilance that comes about due to the anxiety of the unknown before us.
I’ve made it known that I had an interest in UFOs and more specifically human and so-called-alien contact. At first I subscribed to the myth that aliens are an advanced race of doctors and scientists in a faster-than-light spaceship here to study our backward race. I have since learned that the actual truth is much richer and significantly more nuanced than that narrow view. It’s not only stranger than we imagine, it’s stranger than we can possibly imagine.
I’m in a liminal state, again, now. With the help of others recently, I’m learning to not be astonished with these extraordinary events. Rather than needing to be sedated, like the tiger, I’m slowly forming a bond of trust with these beings, whatever they are. I have no reason to believe they’re malevolent in any way. Rather, from my experience and those of others, I get more of a sense of love from them than evil. The logic follows that if they wanted to harm us they could quite easily. Instead my experience and those of others has demonstrated that their aim is to get us to understand ourselves better, creating both explicit and tacit Socratic scenaria designed to turn our questions about them back to ourselves. I have frequently said that we learn to ask better questions with every tidbit we learn about them, and those questions are then used to teach us volumes about ourselves.
This morning, after the events in my hypnopompic state, the very next thing I noticed was a video at the top of my YouTube suggestions relating to the concept of Walk-Ins. I watched it with avid interest and came to feel that, due to the dramatic change in my life, there is a good possibility that I may be one, either literally or figuratively. Everything in my world view has changed since the debauchery days of sex, drugs and rock’n’roll.
I just noticed that, while having an avid interest in UFOs my entire life, that my interest in the alleged occupants was not piqued until my alcohol surrender and near suicide. That was where my journey toward life really started, and I’ve been a student for the past 32 and a half years. I had always wondered about my increase in empathy and move towards a more altruistic lifestyle. What was important to me before is no longer, having been replaced by a desire to spread agapos love for all things and beings.
This indicates an extreme change in spirit. Perhaps even an exchange of spirit.